Love is… Generous | This is the Story of Nano + Sarah

By Jenny Wonderling

As part of our new series, Love In The Valley, we once again celebrate love in all its unique and beautiful forms. Love Is… offers an intimate window into rare local love stories and helps us better know our neighbors, all inspired by this generous and magical place we call the Hudson Valley. Today, we’re honored to share the love story of a couple based in New Paltz who experienced more than 55 years together through all the transitions and challenges of life and even into death.

Sarah Stackhouse had been a dancer since she was a child, eventually inspiring audiences worldwide through her work as a renowned modern dancer and choreographer with Jose Limon, Alvin Ailey, and others. Creative expression through physicality was one of her main languages of communication. The other was love – which, even in her last days and minutes, she heaped upon others and received from her husband, their son, and close friends, near and far. Sarah died peacefully at home on January 7th, 2024, surrounded by closest family.

INSIDE+OUT’s Jenny Wonderling recently asked Sarah’s husband, Nano (Leonardo) Seeber, a seismologist and geologist at Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory of Columbia University, to ponder this question: What is True Love?

Nano Seeber: ‘What is true love?’ It’s a difficult question. I’m a scientist, so I don’t know if I can discuss true love. I can discuss love, and there are many versions. The love of a couple that has lived together for 55 years moves through all kinds of transitions. It can get lighter and evaporate or can get stronger. There’s no choice in between, really. When it gets stronger, it bypasses all kinds of social norms and all kinds of expectations. Sometimes, if you look at things from far away, you recognize that in that vision, your companion is very close, and you see everything in light of this companionship.

Did caring for Sarah change the way you feel about death?

Sarah died with a smile. Death was kind to her. She embraced it, and she made it beautiful for all of us. For everybody who participated in caring for her and being with her to the end, I think we were all elevated from this event. It made me realize that death is something that should be welcomed. In some ways, that has to do with having a good life and perhaps a companion that you’re happy with. We are often a death-avoidant culture because so many lives are in shambles, not satisfied with what we’re doing. Then death becomes something premature simply because we haven’t lived.

Can you share any insights about lasting love? You were two very independent creatures. One would guess that 55 years did not happen without its hiccups.

Yes, it’s true. As you can imagine, there were some crises, but Sarah was really understanding, very strong, and generous, so we survived. That’s actually the word I chose when I spoke about her at her service. I said, “The one word I want to use is generous because Sarah was so generous. Firstly, when thinking about her work and the effort that she put into making every detail the best she could, I realized that so much time and effort was given to her art. And her generosity with people all over the world, including our son Roel and me, in the first place.

Caring for anyone infirm requires incredible devotion. For someone still deeply impassioned with your work and traveling often until Sarah’s diagnosis, was it hard to make the decision to be her full-time caregiver?

I never questioned the fact that I wanted to take care of Sarah. I’m really glad I did it because, in fact, our relationship became stronger. For me, it was an obvious thing that I would have never not done.

What is love if not true love, Nano?

I  think there’s no simple answer. It’s complicated, and it’s profound. For example, now I’m realizing the depth of it because every night I dream of Sarah. The mornings are probably the most difficult time in terms of having lost her. It’s just that the brain requires her presence, and being that she’s not here, it creates her so that she is present for all intents and purposes. After 55 years, it’s hard to give it all words, but it’s as if I’m inside Sarah, and she’s inside me…like we’re part of the same body. At the same time, while she is there inside me, she’s also in the ground. So there is a freedom that I have now and I sense that. What I know is what we shared was really love, of course. I gave her all I could and am so glad I did.

I have lived here in this house where Sarah had been for so long. The house speaks of Sarah in every corner. She’s in my head, in my dreams. Sometimes, it’s as if I can feel her hands going over my skin. But it’s all positive. She had a very satisfying life, and that’s critical and a privilege that not everybody has. That became obvious when people all over the world came here to demonstrate the kind of affection and attention they did at her death. I knew that she had a passion for her work and a passion for life, so things worked out for her in general. A strong woman who succeeded in what she wanted to do.

For the whole beautiful story of Sarah Stackhouse and Nano Seeber, as well as to hear Sarah’s side of the story while she was still alive, read “Till Death Do Us Dance: Sarah and Nano.” 

You are cordially invited to Sarah Stackhouse Memorial
May 4th, 2024, from 12:30 pm to 4:30 pm
St. Mark’s Church in-the-Bowery
131 E 10th St, New York, NY 10003
Click HERE for more information

Featured photo of Nano Photo by Nils Schlebusch @nils360
Video graphics + Editing by Fiona Seabrook
Photos courtesy of the Betti Franceschi + Limón Dance Foundation

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