Love in the Valley: Navigating Loss and Love With Cynara and Philip

Welcome to this a Hudson Valley love story. Through a harrowing journey of loss, Cynara and Philip Charles-Pierre navigated through eight miscarriages in ten years by leaning into love. They made it thanks to their strong friendship, the power of grief, as well as humor, a penchant for adventure, and an avenue for hope. Then, there was the fact that they held more determination than most. In spite of the odds, their daughter Pearl eventually came into the world and brought them even closer. In this exclusive interview, the resilient and hilarious couple offers a window into how they have been able to navigate love and family.

And don’t miss our most recent installment of “Love is…Perseverance” for a deeper plunge into the more moving aspects of Philip and Cynara’s personal challenges and the light in a very dark tunnel that surrogacy offered them.

For now, meet your neighbors whose lives in this chapter, thankfully, are filled with laughter and abundance.

INSIDE+OUT: How long have you been together?

Cynara and Philip Charles-Pierre: We’ve been together since 1998 (long distance for two of the years — 1998-2000). Cynara moved to Brooklyn from Atlanta in October 2000. We’ve lived together since 2003 (the year we got married)

How did you meet?

We met at a charity event hosted by Vibe Magazine in NYC. Cynara was in town from Atlanta, visiting a friend who’d moved to Brooklyn. Serendipitously, Cynara was invited to the event by a stranger on the subway who happened to be the event manager.

What drew you to the Hudson Valley?

We wanted to escape from the city but still be within a 2-3 hour drive so that we would know we’d come often. The Hudson Valley proved to be the perfect location for us.

Top 5 favorite qualities in each other?

Philip (about Cynara):

• She’s always ready to laugh.
• Her creativity.
• Keen eye for style.
• Her commitment. Once she makes a decision, she commits to it fully.
• Doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Cynara (about Philip):

• His thoughtfulness.
• His generosity in every sense of the word.
• His intelligence. Philip is one of the most intellectually gifted people I know.
• Philip is quite humorous.
• His beautiful eyes.

What is your favorite thing about being in a relationship?

Having someone you can rely on for support through good times and bad. Having a life traveler — someone by your side in all of life’s important moments.

We are in a time of disposable relationships. Can you share how you overcome challenges and stay devoted?

We just simply made a commitment to stick it out together. Bad moments come and they go. After 20+ years, we’ve seen and experienced enough of the ebb and flow to be more confident in that. As a matter of fact, some of the hardest moments we’ve navigated have actually made our marriage stronger.

Anything you’re most proud of as a couple?

Getting through ten years of infertility. Together, we weathered eight losses; at times, the frustration and sadness took its toll. We committed to a plan and were fortunate to have our daughter as a result. The decision wasn’t easy, but we got through it.

What is the recipe for your unique love and thriving relationship?

Philip: We don’t need to be each other’s everything. We leave room for to be individuals with different interests and even rhythms. We also travel internationally really well together.

Cynara: I also trust Philip more than anyone. I think that has been an important part of our longevity.

What do you think is a lost art nowadays?

Truly listening for understanding. Often, people listen to relate, provide a “solution,” or worse, make a counterpoint.” Also, you should ask for advice and be open to the answer, even if it’s not what you wanted or expected to hear.

Do you have any rituals together?

We love furniture shopping together.

What are your favorite activities and places to go together as a couple in the Hudson Valley?

We love to go to the Red Onion together. It’s our favorite adulting ritual. Walking the Ashokan Rail Trail is therapeutic for Cynara. She walked there daily (regardless of weather) during the height of COVID-19 and makes a point of walking it every chance she gets when up on weekends.

What are your favorite activites as a family?

We go to Saunderskill Farms together, so much so that the owners know us by name and even know our favorite food/snacks. We enjoy Ollie’s Pizza and make a point of bringing our friends with kids to Kelder’s Farm. We also love spending time with the lovely community of friends we’ve made over the years. So, lots of house hopping and homemade/potluck dinners with our favorite K-Town (Kerhonkson) people. You can also often find us at the Kerhonkson Diner or Hash. For father/daughter bonding time, Philip and Pearl go snowboarding and skiing at Belleayre Mountain every winter season. We also enjoy local treasures like Tree Juice maple syrup. It’s important to us to support the local businesses and economy.

Any wisdom for navigating life as a couple with life as a family?

Never forget that you were a couple first. We’ve heard and seen where one or both partners throw everything into the child(ren) and put each other second or possibly third after work/career. That erodes a union. Keeping each other’s relationship first helps you navigate parenthood from a more united front and is probably better role modeling overall. It continues to be a challenge, but Philip is good at keeping that top of mind. But, being parents does test your bond. The same challenge for us as a couple is probably doubled as parents, and that is staying on the same page.

Most romantic, surprising or creative date you’ve ever had was…

During Covid. We ordered from Red Onion for our anniversary. Due to health protocols, they were only doing takeout orders at the time. So, after picking up the meal, we drove to the Ashokan parking lot, flipped open the trunk door of our SUV, laid out the food on a blanket, and proceeded to eat out of the trunk while overlooking the moonlit water and trees. We also brought a bottle of wine to enjoy together and toasted to 17 years of marriage.

“We ordered from Red Onion for our anniversary…after picking up the meal, we drove to the Ashokan parking lot, flipped open the trunk door of our SUV, laid out the food on a blanket, and proceeded to eat out of the trunk while overlooking the moonlit water and trees.”

If a wand could be waived and you could have any adventure near or far, big or small, as a couple, what would it be?

Going on safari together in Tanzania is our biggest bucket list trip as a couple. Another “adventure” would be to buy several acres of beautiful land with mountain views and build our dream home from scratch.

If you were stranded on an island, what are some things you each uniquely hold that might help make the experience more navigable?

Philip: Humor, Perseverance, Creativity
Cynara: Humor, Perseverance, Entertainment

Funny “surviving together” story:

We skidded off the road during a terrible snowstorm and ended up in a ditch. We survived by finding humor and listening to Donna Summer for four hours until help arrived.

Do you have code words or gestures to save each other from awkward social situations?

Philip has a look he gives to signal it’s time to move on. I tend to figure out a pivot to get myself or each other out of an uncomfortable situation.

Of the five love languages (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts), which “language” do you each most relish?

Philip: Quality Time

Cynara: Honestly, I’m all of them. Ha! But my top two are Words of Affirmation and Gifts.

A top favorite gift received from the other person- not necessarily/preferably not material?

Cynara: Philip gives AMAZING surprise birthday gifts! Perhaps his best was for my 40th. He surprised me by flying my childhood best friend/matron of honor to NYC from Tennessee to help celebrate this milestone birthday with me. He also made (nearly impossible to get) reservations for an incredible dinner for two at Jean Georges. He organized surprise cocktails with an intimate group of friends at a high-end hotel in SoHo and, the next day, arranged for us to see the award-winning Broadway show “The Book of Mormon” and experience a luxury night at the same upscale hotel. It was the most magical weekend and a memory I cherish to this day. He outdid himself, but he always surprises me on milestone birthdays. For example, he most recently surprised me with a trip to Paris for my 50th and a beautiful weekend full of delicious meals and adventures together. Upon our return, he arranged for our home to be turned into a beautiful English garden experience. He invited about 75 friends and family to celebrate with a backyard brunch that lasted well into the evening. Another Philip special.

Philip: My 45th birthday. Cynara surprised me with a curated trip to Cuba!

A favorite trait you hope your mate will never lose/what will you most miss about your partner?

Philip (about Cynara): Laughter, Spontaneity, Her presence

Cynara (about Philip): His ability to surprise and delight, sense of humor, and talent for finding incredible music and filling our home with it.

When do you feel the most connected to the other person?

When we’re in sync and working on a project together. Also, when we’re having deep, thoughtful and/or insightful conversations with each other.

For the powerful, in-depth story of how Cynara and Philip made it through so many miscarriages and of their journey to bring their daughter Pearl into the world, thanks to a loving gestational carrier and her family, with whom the family is still very close, READ HERE.

Photos courtesy of Nils Schlebusch @nils360_

Click HERE for more of our “Love in the Valley” Series.