New Years Resolutions That Last
By Rebecca Conran
Why is it so hard to set lasting New Year resolutions? Each January many of us feel the push to set goals for the upcoming year that will rectify the disappointments or unmet expectations of the previous year. This is reason number one why many intentions just don’t have sticking power! They are written on a sense of ‘not good enough’ that only seems to solidify our dissatisfaction with ourselves rather than inspiring us to reach for what we really deserve – the health, happiness and prosperity that every human being is worthy of!
Setting intentions is the practice of dreaming what could be into reality. In terms of personal goals, if you believe you can attain it, with the right support around you, you usually can. Human beings are amazing creatures. However, the language we use in our intentions can either empower us, or belittle us and to understand how successful we will be at holding to our intentions this year, we need to understand the underlying belief systems that motivate us, and create a language that helps us to gather courage and confidence, rather than shame and judgement.
Motivations are a tricky thing. Getting fit in 2023 because we want a revenge body, or getting fit because our bodies deserve the best opportunities for health are built on two different belief systems. One says “your not good enough until you attain this” the other one says “make the physical changes because you are good enough, and health is what you deserve!”. To our unconscious mind, the nuance matters. Ultimately, we don’t get what we want, we get what we believe we deserve. If our intentions are built on a sense of shame and disempowerment, we are hardly going to muster the energy to create progress. We need to align our inner beliefs with our intentions if we are to have luck with them! And how are you going to do that? By focusing on what makes you feel good that is also good for you! Focusing on intentions that make us feel…good?! What an idea!
In my experience, rather than reinventing the wheel when setting new years intentions, I first look to reinstate goals and behaviors that I already have some experience with. Most of the New Year intentions we set are inadvertently centered around pleasure activities that can become toxic, like drinking less alcohol, eating cleaner foods, or watching less TV. These behaviors are ones that our pleasure receptors are attached to, so withdrawing the behaviors without first thinking of how you will replace them with healthy coping mechanisms can lead to intentions that don’t have sticking power.
Check in with yourself, what are you doing…
When you feel the happiest?
When you feel the most creative?
When you feel the most grounded?
When you feel the most joyful?
When you feel the most excited?
When you feel the most loved?
Don’t just make a laundry list, get intimate with yourself about the details. Which tools, rituals and behaviors may have fallen by the wayside that make you feel good – ones that you are already familiar with. Start to bring those back into your daily experience first and foremost. “I feel loved when I socialize with a friend one-on-one” or “I feel grounded when I take a 20min walk”. Recently I took my partner for a pedicure we had both been saying we needed for about 6 months, and it was amazing how this 30min activity shifted our personalities, by simply adding in a little foot massage. Don’t expect to ‘cut down’ on the behaviors that are less desirable, unless you get clear about healthy behaviors that will leave you feeling good.
It’s imperative to set intentions built on a foundation of feeling supported, cared for, encouraged and relaxed. Discipline can be a wonderful tool, but without those additional loving qualities, our intentions can be extensions of unconscious bullying, and we will not see results from those belief systems. As you set your goals for 2023, remember that you get more bees with honey, be a loving and encouraging parent to yourself and you will see the results you desire.
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REBECCA CONRAN CHHC is an Astrologer, certified Holistic Life & Wellness Coach, Psychic Medium & Energy Practitioner in Kingston, NY. Known for her compassionate but no-nonsense and practical approach to mysticism, she offers frank advice that comes from a place of personal experience. Visit her remotely or in-person by booking an appointment with her at www.RebeccaConran.com